Posts Tagged Dating

Hooking Up, Shacking Up, and Saying “I Do”

By Rachel Sheffield  | Most young people want a happy marriage and family life. As a new report from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia shows, the choices people make in their relationships prior to marriage matter. Unfortunately, the laissez-faire sexual practices embraced and promoted in our culture today don’t build a strong foundation for marriage. According to the report, authored by Galena K. Rhoades and Scott M. Stanley of the University of Denver, individuals with more sexual partners and cohabitation experience tend to report poorer marital quality, as do couples with children from prior relationships. And yet, today the average person reports five sexual partners prior to marriage. Less than one quarter (23 percent) have only had sex with the person they marry. Cohabitation is also common, with the majority of people cohabiting prior to marriage. And more than 40 percent of all children are born outside

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How Would Jesus Date?

By: Gary Thomas | Brain research suggests that romantic attachment—infatuation—is more powerful than the sex drive. Neurologically speaking, it’s easier to say no to physical sexual passion than it is to regulate the rush of emotional infatuation. Consider all the sermons you’ve heard as a single about reining in the sex drive, developing skills to say “stop” in the heat of passion, not letting yourself get into intense situations, and yet, neurologically, it’s more difficult to deny powerful emotions than it is to regulate sexual passion. Have you ever heard a sermon or read a blog about emotional self control? We can’t always choose who we get infatuated with; sometimes, infatuation just happens. But we can choose what to do with that infatuation. We can choose to slavishly follow it, laugh at it, or learn to manage it. In the interest of full disclosure, I did a miserable job of this as a single, so I

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Desire is Not Love

By: Gary Thomas | When an immature 29 year old soul proclaims, “I love him; I really love him!” she may well be speaking with a five year old’s heart: “I love candy; I really love candy!” Our culture has made love and desire synonyms. As long as we mix up the two, we will never understand biblical love, and thus we will never understand sacred marriage. Biblical love is perhaps best understood (though not fully defined) with the old-fashioned word benevolence. It is wholly others-focused. A five year old loves candy in the sense that he desires it. He wants to eat it. In the same way, an immature 25 year old says he “loves” a woman because he desires her. He wants to have sex with her, or at least he wants to be around her and he wants her to want him back with the same intensity. The kind of love the Bible

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Why an unequal “yoke” in dating is more like a noose…

By: Gary Thomas | One of the most popular quotes from The Sacred Search, a line that has been retweeted many times, is “If I’m going to make myself extremely vulnerable to someone, I want that person to be ruled by the Holy Spirit.” The farther you walk into dating, the more intimate it becomes. They get to know you. They learn things about you—where you live, what you like to do, where you are likely to show up. That’s good, and that’s potentially bad, because the more someone understands how to love you, the more they understand how to hurt you. This is part of the sacrifice of relationship; there’s no guarantee, but it’s worth the risk. There’s a difference between “wise risk” and “foolish risk” however. When you sign a mortgage, you can’t know for sure that you’ll be employed steadily for the next thirty years, but if

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Chastity, Manliness, and the College Safari

GOV Note: Living a lifestyle of sexual integrity can be tough – especially in college. It’s easy to succumb to the idea that sexual purity and integrity is just a “Christian” thing, and ‘everyone is hooking up’.  If they fail to see others endeavoring to live a pure lifestyle, many give up on the idea altogether. Enter  The Love & Fidelity Network, a national secular program that aims to equip college students with the resources, arguments, and support they need to uphold the institution of marriage and the integrity of  human sexuality. We’re excited to share some of their blogs with you, such as the one you’re about to read. Chastity, Manliness, and the College Safari By Richie Martin | Published on January 16, 2014 I heard once of an African tribe where, for a man to be worthy of a woman, he had to kill a lion. But what about the modern American university-man? Here

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